I recently reintroduced myself to the world of One Retro Mummy page after a long period of neglect and re-lived all her highs and lows, triumphs and laughable failures. What struck me the most was although I had not forgotten those moments, I felt in a way I was looking into the mirror of someone I no longer fully recognised. A different versions of me.
Not a better or worse version, just different....
Funny how time does that.
My children have grown, Wild Heart is now 5 years old... full of wonder and excitement about the prospect of starting a new chapter in her life next year called Kindergarten. She loves fiercely, feels intensely and is training to be the next Karate Kid.
Blonde Hair Viking with a chipped tooth aka "the silent assassin" is 3.5 years old.... He loves his mummy, getting into mischief, collecting worms and his favourite bedtime story is The Women's Weekly Cookbook.
My little Wildling is 18 months old. She will conquer the world by her 2nd Birthday. With no fear, a bucket full of sass and a take no prisoners attitude, her dad and I feel confident she will be the one who will give us a run for our money.
At the beginning of the year I came across a song which really spoke to where I am at. Funnily enough it was called "Versions of Me".
Hey meet the versions of me, not sure which I'm supposed to be
A daughter a mother, a lover, a friend
I don't how to be 'em all yet.
Tell me how to survive, can I be them at the same time
Hey meet the versions of me, not sure which I'm supposed to be
But I'm learning every day that each me is ok
Sometimes I try so hard I gotta be perfect
I climb I fall and break haven't I learned it
That's it's alright If I'm not alright
Taking it one day at a time
I'm fine with every single version of me
Spent time wondering why, who I am doesn't seem to be right
Too loud, too smart, too big, too bright
Defined through someone else's eyes.
Gotta find my own stride, gotta find it on the inside
Hey meet the versions of me, we get along and we disagree
But I'm learning every day that each me is ok
Bending in a million ways
Pulling till ends are frayed
I'm unravelled I'm ok
It's ok
I won't break
Sometimes I try so hard I gotta be perfect
I climb I fall and break haven't I learned it
That's it's alright If I'm not alright
Taking it one day at a time
I'm fine with every single version of me
Recently I took the kids on a day trip to a lovely old town called Chiltern. During this visit at the request of my little fella, we found ourselves exploring an old junk shop, scouring the boxes of bottles, spare parts, odds and ends for personal treasures. My little Wildling Eleanor clearly did not share the same passion for this activity as her siblings however found great delight waving and blowing kisses to the elderly gentleman "Ned" who owned the store and was sitting at the entrance reading his paper. The gentleman began to return air kisses and laugh hysterically with a noticeable twinkle in his eye. Introductions were made and we shared an unexpectantly meaningful interaction covering multiple areas of life, finding meaning and the importance of family. When exiting he gave a simple farewell followed by a statement which held much meaning. " You have beautiful chaos there, the best time of your life. Cherish it because one day it will be a distant memory".
So in closing I will say this,
Do I have it more together... No
Have I worked out how to have the perfect balance between work/life? No
Am I less sleep deprived? No
Has looking after 3 little people got much easier? No
But the lesson that I have learnt is this "Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful". I am learning each day that each version of me is ok. More than ok.
I will continue to share my stories on this page with honesty, humour and reflection. The highs, lows, frustrations and joys in all their glory.. For in sharing our stories we are able to connect with each other and bring greater meaning to this funny thing called life.
X Grace
